Where did that little girl go?

I saw this video biography of Coco Chanel and I got teary-eyed for some reason. I have always admired Chanel and to watch her life unfold before me (though I have read about it numerous times) made me look up to her much more than I ever did.

Apparently, the young Coco made her own clothes because she can’t afford them. I remembered that young girl in her Papa’s clothing shop- rummaging through fabric, beads, accessories, old clothes and create something to her liking. I am not saying that I look at myself like I’m Chanel. Not even an inch close! I am just inspired by her story that like her, since I wan’t born with the luxury to shop for clothes everyday, squeezed every resourcefulness there is and mixed it with creativity to satisfy the craving for beautiful wardrobe.

I remember when I was about 8, I would buy fancy rings and earrings, take out the beads and crystals and sew them together and turn it to my own design. And then I sell that out to my friends at a very low price. Where did that little girl go?

I also recall finding this bright blue swimming trunks that my father doesn’t wear anymore and then I turn it to a tote. Same thing with an old backpack that I don’t use anymore because of a broken strap. I reconstructed it and made another tote out of it. What happened to that creative and resourceful girl? I can’t find her anymore…

Years after, I joined several fashion shows and contests, some of which I won. The last time was in 2012 and I want so badly to do that again. I miss the pressure, the sleepless nights, the endless cutting and sewing and modifying. Despite my skin allergy to fabric, I don’t seem to mind all that. Now that I’ve been busy with work and mother duties, I feel that something is lacking. I miss going through my old stuff, inhale the smell of fabric, cut and sew a brand new creation! My designs on paper have been lying there for years, and I have been itching to bring them to life but because of the hustle and bustle of everyday life, they seem to be covered with reports and books and statements and eventually, forgotten.

But as they say, an old flame never dies. The fact that I grew up in a clothing shop, fashion was instilled in me at a very young age and I fell in love with it instantly. (You may check my other blog link related to this). YouTube and Internet were not popular those days and I only get my ideas from the basic things I see around me. I haven’t even had a hold of magazines until I was 15. Because of that I can say it wasn’t just joining the bandwagon. I loved Fashion even before I knew what was it called.

I miss my old love. I miss fashion designing. I wish that creative and resourceful young girl, who can create something out of anything, will come home to me once again.